previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
As you do, you see this huge decaying tentacle wrapped around the vessel, crushing it beneath
its hefty weight.
You back away from the ship that has slowed its speed so that you can keep up with
it and so that it doesn't take on extra stress, and you see an undead kraken that
continues to crush the ship as it turns and looks at you and lets out this screech
towards you.
Release the ship.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More, he, him also
with me today is Carla Maxted.
She, her, I am playing Yen Vol Nuri, Kalishtar Cleric, she, her, and Glim, dragonborn
pAlydin, et cetera.
Also she, her.
And Amy More.
Yeah, hey, she, her, I am playing today Sullivan Sleight, a lightfoot halfling rogue,
as well as Thea Amastasia, a high elf druid, he, him, she, her.
And Tom Laird, yeah, that's me, he, him, I am playing Tullgear Heavyfoot, who
is a dwarf pAlydin, and I am also playing Moot, who is a half-orc wild magic sorcerer
and something else, and they both go by he, him.
So many something else's, it's episode 102, we're well on our way to 200 episodes everybody.
I don't know if we'll make it to 200, maybe, we'll see how this kraken fight
goes.
Let's get kraken, Russ.
Hold on, hold on.
A little housekeeping, got it tidy up around here.
Oh come on, that was a really good dad joke, you know where else you can find some good
dad jokes?
It was a good joke.
I mean it was a great dad joke.
Yeah.
Over there on Patreon, Patreon.com slash dumb dragoncast, where we make all the dad
jokes.
Wow, Amy's just taking over on these Patreon cells.
I know.
She goes from.
I like to look at Russ' like blown away face when he's like, she set the website
correctly.
Like, she.
Only took her 200 episodes to be able to do it properly.
As if it's my responsibility to do it.
This is a bonus.
It is a bonus.
You're just lucky to get it.
Thank you.
And you know who else is lucky to get something today?
One of our patrons, because they get an episode dedicated to them, like today's
patron.
Michael Jansky.
Thanks Michael.
I hope it's not the episode where we get eaten by a kraken.
Look.
We're gonna blame it on you if it is.
I'm just kidding.
We put the party together in the last one.
Now it's time to get them all.
Dare them apart.
Bring them back down.
That's okay.
It's the darkest timeline.
Put Thea and Glim in a room together.
Well Glim's full prophecy is we're gonna save the world after half our crew gets
eaten by a kraken.
Total party.
Is it a different name when it's total party kill, but it's two parties?
It's all the parties?
Half a party.
T.P.
Krakken.
Total party kraken.
Kraken killed them all.
Thank you, Michael.
And thank you for thinking about joining us.
If you do, and want to, and check it out, just see what it's about, Patreon.com slash
dumb dragon cast.
Now fuck it, let's play.
Nice.
Let's be kraken my beer.
Kraken my beer.
Guys, I'm on a roll.
We'll remind everybody where everybody is because there are a lot of people at play.
Yenbul, Tullgear, Moot, Thea, and Glim have donned a fishbowl, a kind of a like Sandy
the squirrel, scuba tank from SpongeBob, and been given amulets to allow them to
move a little quicker under underwater so that they can take on what was unknown
at the time, but we found out was a kraken.
Because there are no windows on this ship.
No one can look out and be like, well, that's a giant tentacle right there.
No, Flamikins just uses the sound of the hull, you know, she's so home.
Yeah, she puts her hand against it.
She's like the engine.
It's all left.
Can feel the vibration.
That's right.
Yeah, she just knows.
This is no piercer.
Yeah.
Going back to the check-in, Sully is sitting beside Bahama telling him a lovely story.
So we're going to, you know, like on an adventure stuff.
And we make it to this town and everybody's so like lucid.
You look like you'd fit right in in this town.
But we help them make this apple crumble that was just so delicious.
And all it takes is some sugar, some fresh apples.
You want to get some oats mixed in there, some brown sugar if you got it, and some cinnamon.
We cut up to Flamikins, who's slowed the vessel down and is feeling the vibrations
because that's what's established now.
And determining where she is.
She's checking charts.
She's checking random vibration notebooks that she has of this region.
She just press her nipples up against the side of the ship and go, we need to go more Dewey-sexual.
No, I didn't put a window in this for a very specific reason.
That's the darkest timeline.
It's hard to get any.
Leosun is standing...
Disturbed.
No, Leosun is at the back of the vessel just waiting to open the chamber again.
Once you all hopefully return is what he's thinking.
But also doing a paperwork in the inevitable case of somebody dying, you know.
He like put all his fucking adventures out there.
God damn it.
Talk about eggs in one basket, people.
Sully is like, that's okay.
Sully's got it.
It's Sully's destiny now.
We established like a special knock or something.
So he'd...
Yeah, it's the frantic pounding.
We just didn't include that.
I'm pretty sure he said, no, don't use your magic and then close the door.
I'm pretty sure he's there with like a 30 minute timer hourglass.
Don't you think?
I said the word.
He flipped the hourglass and he's staring at it.
Pressure's building.
This music that I put in here is like...
Things are moving by.
And we move outside to the action.
The Kraken taking Tullgear's very pointed response releases itself from the ship and
begins moving towards you.
Let's roll for initiative.
And we're going to popcorn this bitch because that's what we do now.
You said that my voice when I was trying to say in the last episode about how fish
pee in the ocean was cut off.
Are we able to communicate with one another in there?
Good question.
No.
Then how the fuck are we supposed to popcorn this?
Just lots of pointing?
Fuck.
Okay, next time.
We'll popcorn next time.
We'll try this time.
No, no, no.
We can popcorn.
That's fine.
We'll say that there's a communication thing and only yours was cut off so everybody
else can popcorn.
Oh, no.
Everyone else can turn theirs on.
So Leosin was like going through a tunnel.
He was like, yeah, that would actually not be great.
Yeah, that's right.
No, everybody has some sort of communicator of some sort that they're able to speak with
each other because otherwise this is going to be not as fun.
Just a silent fight.
That's right.
It's just the sound of swooshing water as, you know, just things are happening, screaming
monsters and then something.
Do we have to roll for initiative?
Yeah, everybody's got to roll for initiative.
I'm just, I'm just killing the time.
Why?
Wait, do we have to?
If it's popcorn.
Well, we've got to figure out who starts.
Mu rolled a nine.
Wim rolled a 20.
Telgi rolled an 18.
I'm so glad I only have to play one person.
Yen roll rolled an 11.
So Glim?
Telgi rolled a 17.
Glim, you emerge from the ship and turn and look and see this cracking.
What do you do with your newfound Bahamut energy?
I'm going to use my breath weapon.
No, I'm not going to light a fire in my fish tank.
You know, I got to say you'd think having fire breath would come in super handy,
but it comes in less handy than you would think, unless someone touches your fucking
donkey and then let it rip.
Yeah.
Well, sure.
That's her off.
But I think I will attack it with my sun blade new weapon.
Let me describe it to you because it's new.
It looks like just the hilt of a long sword, but I use a bonus action to cause a blade
of pure radiance to spring into existence.
While the blade exists, this magic long sword has the finesse property.
So I get some attack bonuses, blah, blah, blah.
When you hit an undead target with it, that target takes an extra 1d8 damage.
Yeah, it does.
Also it's made some light.
It's probably dark down here.
It's made a bright light in a 15 foot radius dim light for an additional 15 feet.
That light is sunlight, which I bet that Kraken does not love.
Not a fan of.
33.
I rolled another nat 20.
Boom.
Okay.
Yeah.
Roll me some beautiful damage and then tell me what your nat 20 fucking looks like
on this undead motherfucker.
So 15 plus 6.
You only get the bonus on the first one, right?
So 21 plus another d8, just cuz.
So 25 damage.
I feel like Glim is really infused with the spirit of Bahamut in a way she has not
been for several years.
So she is putting all of her Bahamut love energy into this radiance weapon and is
going to, I think, probably strike for whatever.
Like maybe there's a tentacle nearby that I can try and slice through.
Yeah, this thing is, yeah, it's got like this, like, what's the, what's the fish
with the angler fish kind of like mouth, like almost like a dragon, like forehead
with these almost arm like appendages that come off that kind of look like ears.
And that's like this tentacly beard thing.
All of this is very undead, very decaying, huge, like spikes coming out of its back
as it moves down this long squid like body and then royals of tentacles all over the
place.
Um, I forgot, guys, I have another attack.
I figured.
Yeah.
What am I doing?
So let me describe what I do after I give it more damage, okay?
Do it.
Oh, I thought it was going to be another nat 20, uh, 27, 14, don't worry.
So 17 more damage, so 25 plus 17.
So having seen the picture of it now, rather than one of it has more like thin squid
tentacles, not like octopus arm tentacles.
So I'm actually going to go for its weird ear arm thing and try and cut through one
of those as opposed to getting in the mix with all those swirly tentacles at
the back end.
Two huge hits go in and flesh in black.
It doesn't react like blood because this thing isn't alive.
Like it just begins to pool out more ink like your sun blade cuts through.
It gets dark as it goes into the flesh and then illuminates as it comes back out.
Everybody sees the silhouette of you fighting against this crack and that is all you
can do for your turn presently.
It is going to try and grab you with one of its tentacles.
But doesn't Carla?
It has like legendary actions.
So I guess we are super high level.
So that's only, so that's a six on the die plus 17 to hit.
So that's, uh, 23 to hit that will hit.
So you're going to take 20 bludgeoning damage and the target is grappled.
There's no, on your turn, the escape DC is 18.
You are restrained and it has 10 tentacles, each of which can grapple one target.
Oh boy.
That has happened.
You turn to look and try and signal one of your allies and you get wrapped up
and bashed up by this tentacle.
Moot, help a girl out.
Question for you, Russ.
Yeah.
I have a spell here called slow.
Okay.
And it says I can alter time for up to six creatures of your choice in a 40 foot cube
within range.
Now, can I just target like the Kraken or will Glim as well be in there?
No, it's your, your choice, right?
Perfect.
And this is one of your sorcerer spells or one of your other spells?
This is one of my other spells.
Okay.
So wild magic does not trigger then.
All right.
Um, so you need to make a wisdom saving throw.
Oh, so wise.
So wise.
I mean, an undead Kraken's got to have some brains, right?
So that's a 16.
All right.
Well, 16 isn't going to handle it.
So Moot reaches into his spell component bag and brings out a little stopper that's
filled with like some, some brownish liquid and he takes one drop of it out of the
stopper and he casts slow and an effective target speed is halved.
It takes minus two penalty to AC and dexterity saving throws, and it can't use reactions.
And on your turn, you can either use an action or a bonus action, but not both.
One action or bonus action and reactions though are legendary actions reactions.
Great question.
Legendary actions can be chosen in turns as reactions.
So it can't do those.
Oh no, he can't do those anymore guys.
Can't do those.
Oh no.
Too bad.
Bummer.
All right.
So like a wave goes out in the, in the, in the water around you, Glim, you feel like
the muscles, not constrict because that's not the term I'm looking for, because that
would mean that it's trying to hurt you more, but like atrophy, yeah, tense or atrophy,
like slow.
And the, what was very quick movements that it was making to try and advance on your
team has, has slowed as well.
So it's swim speed was 60 feet.
It's now 30 feet, not a huge deal, big, it's a huge thing, but that, you know, will
make a difference.
Okay.
And I'm, I'm going to look over at, uh, Thea, I'm going to say, Oh, what do you
got?
To you magic user, what are you, what are you going to do?
Don't cast any spells now.
It's so toffee.
I'm looking through Yen Vols and it's like, do you need to roll on the table by any chance
though, Tom, with all your spellsies?
No, because it's the other thing.
It's not the sorcerer thing.
So it's the other thing.
Other thing.
So yeah, no, no killing magic.
Does anything.
I, uh, we can cut this back.
Does anything physically change about Moog when he makes that spell?
Ooh, good question.
Um, yeah.
Maybe he like has like a dark, do you say his hair gets messy?
I swear to God, no, maybe like a little like dark ripple.
Okay.
Kind of goes through them.
Like, and like, it's not really noticeable unless you're watching for it.
But yeah.
Yeah.
Everybody else wouldn't really see it, but yeah, there is like this aura that
comes off of him.
As that happens, Thea swims up next to glim and says, cool sword looks magical
and takes out her regular Simtar and just goes a-hacking at the tentacle that's got glim
all wrapped up.
So much shade.
Fuck.
Uh, that's a 15.
Even with the minus two still doesn't, doesn't do it.
Glances off its natural armor.
You do have two attacks, right?
One of them has to be magical.
My second attack is melee.
I mean, they just gave you shit for casting magic and then you've seen one pull
out a magic sword and another one cast a spell without any other knowledge.
Fair enough.
I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to take, take their lead.
Fuck all y'all.
I'm doing my own thing.
I like, I'm like, the Simtar is not working.
And then I look at her and I shrug and then I'm going to cast, this thing's hurt
already.
Yes.
Yep.
Okay.
So I point at it and I don't know how bells sound under the water, but
just like that.
And the target needs to succeed on a wisdom saving throw.
It did so well the first time.
Uh, 18.
So, so you don't take any damage then I shrug and I, and I look at Yen Bull and
I'm like, my confidence is shook.
I hate this because it is like, the only thing I can do is magic.
The magic kills the earth, but if we don't kill the creature, we all die.
And then what's the point in saving the thing anyway.
So I feel like, um, into Yen Bull's mind, uh, Yen Bull hasn't really stopped using
magic that much.
It's true.
You guys haven't noticed because she feels like, you know, she's not doing it to
like tie up her shoes.
There are other people eating cows or being vegetarian.
So you having the burgers, not going to be that big of a deal.
Other people are pulling the hard vegetarian weight.
Introspective like mind palace here on Yen Bull, just like, she's like looking through
her spell book or whatever she's doing to think about what to do and her underwater
spell book.
Her underwater spell book.
Yeah.
It's laminated.
She's got it all up here.
I'm in the library in my mind.
Well, I'm not supposed to use magic, but if I don't kill the creature, the creature
kills us.
And what is the point?
No one can save the world.
Magic is gone anyway.
So it must be done.
And I am going to, I don't think I've done this before.
Ooh, I'm always excited when there's something new.
Well, what happens when you call lightning underwater?
What happens when you call lightning underwater?
Good question.
We find out together.
How deep are we underwater?
Like pretty deep.
How many leagues would you say?
40,000?
We would be at least a 39,000.
Jesus.
Oh, that's quite far.
We're pretty deep.
Pretty deep.
Like, yeah, you're riding the bottom of the ocean because, you know, what was
talked about off screen is like Flamingons is worried about shit coming from the
air.
So you don't want to be like too high up or have anybody follow them.
Because God forbid we die or we get attacked close to the surface where we have a chance
of escaping.
Yeah.
We're all going to get the bends.
Yeah, exactly.
I cast Water Walk, float up to the top and die from the top.
Die immediately.
Okay.
Let's see.
Sorry.
I was looking at things before, but it's so tough.
So many of mine are like, affect lots of people and Glim's still grappled, right?
So I'm not going to be like...
She doesn't know Glim.
I mean...
Glim could just come kill that dragon.
This is Russ's long con to have Carla kill one of her own characters.
Oh my God.
I'm the worst.
A diabolical.
I love it.
Can't banish it.
It's holding Glim.
Also bad.
Okay.
I will do this because Glim can take it.
I am going to cast Destructive Wave, because that can happen under the ocean.
Sure.
Yeah.
A burst of divine energy ripples outward.
Oh, nevermind.
It's not even going to hit Glim.
Each creature you choose must succeed on a con saving throw.
Sweet.
And that's 27.
Oh, bad.
Whoa.
Okay.
What is even the point?
Half as much.
So you will take 5d6.
No.
I roll it and then you just take half of it, right?
Yep.
So...
So many character sheets.
So that is 17 thunder damage and then you are also going to take 15 radiant damage
as well.
Telgir.
What have you got?
Telgir is going to swim over there with his battleaxe in hand and attempt to strike it
down.
Take like these big two-handed hacks at this Kraken.
It's a 28.
Second one is a 26, 27 slashing damage in total.
Whoa.
With a magical slashing weapon.
Y'all so magic.
Hey, you magic?
And as I finish up with the second one, it starts to react.
Who knows how good it'll be for old Telgir?
Only gets one action or bonus action because of your slow spell.
Nice.
Yeah, it does.
So it's going to...
It lets out like this whale that rings out through the water and vibrates the
bulls on your head.
Exactly, a Chewbacca.
And it's going to try to...
It looks at you with menacing eyes, Telgir, but then pulls Glim in to its mouth for
a 29 to bite you, Glim.
That'll do it.
So you're going to take 23 piercing damage and you are swallowed.
Again?
Oh no.
Again.
In two different timelines.
It's like, you know, this one's a...
This one actually makes sense though.
This is just a reoccurring thing for her.
All the time streams are connecting.
So you are swallowed.
So you're no longer grappled by its tentacle, but you are inside of it.
So silver lining.
Imagine if it swallowed you while grappling you with the tentacle.
Just bites off its tentacle and...
It's just like, ah.
So you are blinded and restrained.
You have total cover against attacks and other effects outside the Kraken.
You do take a large number of acid damage at the start of each of its turns.
If it takes a bunch of damage, it has to succeed in a con save or throw you up.
It's going to try and make a wisdom saving throw for Moot's spell.
Yeah.
It's a 19.
19 is enough to pass.
All right.
So good will it last.
This huge bite comes out of you, Glim, and then everything begins to speed up
for this monster again.
Ship's going to go next inside.
Sounds like...
Just hand to the wall.
It sounds like they're doing a really good job out there.
I'm going to start to move.
Get away from this thing.
And she hits a button and tethers begin to shoot out of the back and begin to drag behind
it as you see the ship begin to pull away.
So there's something to grab onto.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Sully.
And then all these old people are like getting it on and stuff.
And like, it's kind of unreal, but it really seems like a place you'd want to
settle down after a life of adventuring.
You know?
You're like, why don't you be rude?
You're like, what?
Nine hundred?
I don't know how long gods live for.
Probably forever.
But let me tell you, as soon as you wake up, we're going to make you some of
that apple crumble. It's going to change your world.
Who goes next, Sully?
Thea, because she wants to do something fucking cool.
And also is totally chuffed that, like, she's like, man, she had to go and get
herself swallowed and get to see this.
Show off for Glim.
Camera zooms quick out the back of the vessel.
And Thea.
I'm going to cast something I've never cast before.
Thea starts swirling her hands around a little bit because she's never done
anything like this in water.
Actually, she's never done anything like this at all.
And she conjures an elemental at eight level.
And so that means she does not just conjure one elemental, she conjures
three elementals and the elementals that she conjures are fire infused
water elementals.
And these elementals that live between the state of fire and water
appear in front of or no appear beside Thea, the three of them.
And it looks they are almost a liquidy humanoid shape that looks like
roiling, boiling water form, as well as almost like seeing it steam
under water. If you can picture all that.
Nice. What is the level of control that you get over these elementals?
Good question.
Let's see here. I would love to control three elementals.
The summoned creatures are friendly to you and your companions.
OK, darn.
Ma, I have a bunch of spells where it's like you can summon a demon,
but like it might try to kill you.
I'm like, OK, cool.
You roll initiative for them.
It has its own turn.
They obey any verbal commands that you issue to them.
And if you don't issue commands to them, they will just defend themselves
from hostile creatures and otherwise take no actions.
OK, I've added the elementals into the rotation.
So these three elementals
fire royals up and begins like bubbling the water that's around it.
And I say, hold on a sec.
And I take out my longbow and I just want to shoot it in the eye.
Shoot it because I have an action.
So I want to.
Oh, no, I don't.
I don't. I say, never mind.
That's I was I was shooting an arrow at the creature
in the general direction that I want you guys to go fight with us.
You realize that arrows underwater, not a great.
No, it didn't go well.
It didn't go well.
So these elementals are going to take their turns.
Because I tell them, yeah, go for it.
They have a multi attack.
So the first one is is going to slam.
Settle in while Amy takes all of the turns.
You know what? OK, it's going to be great.
This is what happens throughout the years of podcasting.
I get like saved up all the time.
Like one turn here and there.
And then every once in a while, I'll be like,
I create seven things and then I have all their.
So the first one is going to slam twice.
Oh, it's a nat 20 plus eight.
We cut back to flaming.
Wait, there's slamming going on out there.
God damn it. I should have gone out with the fight.
Back to you.
She has her tits pressed up against the.
Slam it, baby.
The wall. Give it to that cracking.
Cracking didn't know what hit it.
OK.
OK, it's only a little bit upsetting.
Only a smidge.
Thirty two for the first attack.
Damage for the slam.
And it gets to it again.
Oh, plus nine fire damage.
OK, so 32 plus that's 40.
Oh, sorry. Wait.
Plus another six fire damage.
Who let her cast these?
That's another six forty seven.
OK, and it still has one more.
It has one more slam.
OK, so next time, roll both slams.
That's another nat 20.
Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, baby.
Not only does Amy save up all of her turns through years of playing,
she saves up all of her nat 20s.
All my nat 20.
Wow. So that is a six.
And nine.
Sixty nine.
No, it's 15 plus five.
So that's 20 plus another 10, 30, 32.
Glim, you've been regurgitated during this.
Thirty five.
Three of that was fire damage.
OK, this thing's still alive.
So that's 70 something.
Oh, yeah, it's still alive.
Good, because there are two more
elementals who need to take their turns.
Middle, middle, middle, middle,
middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle.
Middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle.
Little in the middle, but you got much back.
No, that's not right.
It's not right.
That was good. That was a little.
Like, not around.
It's not around everybody, that's-
It was kind of around and then-
My middle lies over the ocean.
Karla, you go, my middle lies-
No, don't waste it.
Next interlude.
Oh, right.
We can't blow through them all.
We have an unlimited-
We're scheduled till 2027.
We can't blow through all of this.
Oh, that reminds me,
I have to do the schedule for next year.
Okay, bye, everybody.
No.
No, we're in the middle.
Hey, thanks for being here with us.
We really appreciate it.
And that's really what we want to say here
is that we love you and you being here
and we don't say it enough.
So this is us saying it in perpetuity
every time you listen to this episode
from now and forever.
I love it.
So just if you could listen to this episode,
maybe like quarterly or however often you want to feel
like it would be nice to be told that we love you.
Yeah, if you ever just need that, pick me up.
Fire up episode, whatever this episode is.
102.
And skip right to the middle.
And while we've got you here.
Oh no, can't do it now.
You set it up as we were just telling,
we were just saying that we love you.
Yeah, we love them.
So we love you and that's it.
We were gonna tell you something else,
but you know what?
Nah.
I mean, if you wanted to go listen
to Halloween episode again, you could.
Both parts, not just our part.
Because spout lore is fucking hilarious
and we love those folks.
Oh, they're delightful.
So after you listen to this every quarter,
just hit up both of those Halloween episodes also.
Perfect.
They're gonna be up there always.
The Halloween Bonanza 2021
is really the best Halloween Bonanza
that we've ever done to this point.
I don't know if this is gonna be a regular thing,
but what we are doing at Christmas
is another crossover with some other amazing folks,
Dum Dums and Dragons.
I feel like I put too many S's in that one.
Folks, Stums, Stums and Dragons.
I mean, it works.
So get looking forward to that one.
Somebody else talk.
Yeah, get looking.
No, no, that's-
Just get looking forward to it.
And that's a saying.
Get looking forward to that one.
Middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle.
Middle, middle, middle, middle, middle,
middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle.
So to recap, we're in the middle.
We love you.
It's Halloween Bonanza was a blast
and it's not tied to Halloween.
It's just a Bonanza.
It's just your run-of-the-mill Bonanza.
Your mid-November Bonanza.
It's your American Thanksgiving Bonanza is what it is.
Perfect.
And also the holidays are coming
and we're doing a sweet crossover
with some good folks, Dum Dums and Dragons.
Make sure you go check them out.
But also listen to that coming up.
Look at all these great things we have going on,
including this Kraken battle
that we're in the middle of right now, baby.
It's real crunchy D&D episode
is what we're in the middle of.
Testing out all those new skills.
We love you.
And we love you.
Thanks for being here.
Okay, back to the episode now.
Bye.
All right, roll all four attacks.
So yeah.
I'm not gonna do all four attacks.
They have other stuff that's going on.
Okay.
Oh yeah?
I'm gonna do it all.
So after this first one hits though,
it regurgitates Glim out
as it takes this massive damage.
So Glim, you come flying out.
It illuminated, the Sun Sword comes out
and you see the face of this thing.
It's torn apart and like bubbling.
Like the flesh is bubbling, which is weird.
And then you look and you see three fire elementals.
And then you look and Thea's cast a magic,
the huge magic, big magic.
Sorry, I did big magic.
And then the next one decides to use Skald.
Okay.
So a fire infused water elemental
sprays a 30 foot cone of superheated water.
I yell, get out of there.
Glim.
Each creature in the area must make
a DC dexterity saving throw.
Well, you said like there were three
that came up around it.
Yeah.
Okay, so I mean, unless one of these elementals
don't give no fucks about Glim,
like it's probably one of the other ones, we'll say.
Okay, yeah, sure.
Plus seven's nine.
Nah, not good enough.
That's 66 fire damage.
Okay.
Here we go.
Finally, Thea's doing stuff.
It'd be hurtful if it wasn't so, so true.
23 fire damage and it's knocked prone.
No, it's not, because it's underwater.
Can't knock something prone that's floating.
Okay, so then the third one is going to do
a slam multi-attack again.
Okay.
And that is for, oh, it's only for a 17.
Hold on, I forgot I can do these.
So between the second and the third one,
it's going to set off a lightning storm
as a legendary action.
This is Russ throwing a DM hissy fit.
That's right.
Watch everybody.
Ouch.
This is Russ actually being a DM.
That's right.
Instead of what we normally do
where he like sugarcoats everything for us.
He only does it for me.
Well, I've been doing it for everybody else.
I mean, to be fair,
you've been eaten several times though.
You are doing the most right now.
You are doing banana's damage.
The Kraken magically creates three bolts of lightning,
each of which can strike a target.
The Kraken can see within 120 feet.
Target must make a DEC 23 dexterity saving throw.
So it's going to shoot for Thea, for Moot,
and for the elemental that has not gone yet.
Okay.
So I need a dex saving throw.
I've got to beat a 23.
I did not.
I got 12.
Dex saving throw.
Okay, here we go.
Didn't even come close with 14.
Okay, and roll for your elemental.
17.
So the three of you are going to take 26 lightning damage.
Okay.
That sparks through the water,
which is also going to give everybody else around them
13 lightning damage.
That don't get a save
because it's just running through the water.
That's like the one thing it's not resistant to.
All right, your third attacker.
Okay, my third attacker is going to,
just got hurt and is mad.
So they are going to multi-attack again
with two slam attacks.
So the first one is a 23.
Okay.
And the second one is a 20.
Can I just save these to you?
15 plus 17.
32.
Plus 10.
42.
Two ones, plus two.
44.
That much damage.
Wow.
He said, wow, you guys, it wasn't sarcastic at all.
No.
No, it sounded kind of sad.
It's almost 200 damage that you did on that turn.
It's still alive, but you did almost 200 damage.
Oh my God.
Well, oh Baham, it's not dead.
Um.
Glim, you want to stab him?
You were inside of him.
I kind of just give her a look.
Like I'm amazed at what she just did.
And I get that we're all doing what I told her not to do,
but I don't know.
It's going to be words later.
You did it first.
So I'm going to attack with the sun blade.
I'm going to action surge.
So I think then I'll have four attacks, right?
If I have two, then I action surge.
I get a second one.
You betcha.
So do you want me to roll all the attacks first
and then roll all the damage?
Yeah, yeah.
Does that make the most sense?
Let's do that.
Yeah.
Okay.
So 25.
Okay, yep.
15.
No.
21.
Yep.
And 26.
Yes, so you got three out of four.
Okay.
So I am going to roll.
So 10 plus 27 is 37 damage.
Nice.
All right.
This Kraken, like things,
tentacles are beginning to fall off
with all these hacks and fire blasts
and like the skin is decaying
and like there's becoming this cloud of filth
in the water.
It's making it hard to see the monster,
but it's, so it's not looking good,
basically is what I'm saying.
And who's left?
Yanvul and Mood?
Yeah, it's going to try and a tentacle attack.
You use 23.
Yep.
Do it.
So another 20 bludgeoning and you are grappled again.
Cheepers, creepers.
Well, what's Tulgear been doing?
Let's see what he does.
Tulgear sees the tentacles go for you
and he takes the opportunity
to continue hacking
and slashing away at this fucking thing.
Two attacks with the old battle ax.
One's a nat 20 and the other is a 27.
So many nat 20s.
Yeah.
Is the green dice, the classics there.
They're working tonight.
I love it.
They've been in the reserve.
They've been, you know,
holding back that energy.
Resting up.
Yeah.
Just for when they were needed,
when they were called upon,
they were here to rise to the action.
I'm going to grab one more D8
because that will just make my life easier
with rolling all this stuff.
All right.
So the nat 21 will be eight and eight 16 on that one.
And then 15 on the second.
So 31 damage just on the nat 20.
And then 12 damage on the second one.
Math is hard with big monsters.
After Tulgear does all his hacking and slashing,
he like hits his hand against the ship
to indicate it's the ship's time to shine.
We cut to the cockpit.
Flamingons has pressed herself
so hard up against the wall.
Oh God.
Oh, it's me.
Okay. Oh, shit.
Okay.
Pedal to the metal everybody.
Hold on.
She's taking it like when you hit the top of a taxi,
like go.
She slams it and it begins to take off there.
Still within range for you all to catch up to it
and grab those.
But she is out of reach of the Kraken
for the ship at the moment.
I'm gonna put the Kraken next.
It's just, it's just what's gonna happen.
Corey murder it.
That's right.
Lim, he's gonna not try to eat you this time.
It's going to fling you 60 feet in a random direction.
Oh, cause I'm just grappled.
I'm not swallowed.
I was thinking I was swallowed.
He barfs you 60 feet in a random direction.
It's a very powerful barf.
So he, sorry, he throws me 60 feet.
He's gonna whip you 60 feet.
I'm gonna roll a D4 for me.
North, South, East, West is what it's gonna be.
One, two, three, four.
Okay, here we go.
North, South, East, West.
It's gonna throw you directly to the West,
which is away from the ship and your friends 60 feet.
So you'd have to dash in order to get back
to your next turn.
And then it's going to tentacle attack.
Nah, it's gonna lightning storm again.
Yeah, that seemed to work the last time.
It's gonna lightning storm again.
It's gonna attack two of the elementals
and one towards Thea.
I love the image of a kraken just yeeting glimily.
What do we have to do again?
You gotta make a deck save.
Gotta beat a 23 for, you gotta roll three times.
So once for Thea.
Once for Thea, that's a 20.
Nope.
Elemental, that's a 20.
Nope.
And that's a three.
Okay, so everybody's gonna take,
the three of you are gonna take 22 lightning damage.
Everybody except Glim are going to take
another 11 lightning damage.
Let's go Yenbul, your turn.
Okay.
Seems like lightning's really happening
and cool down here.
So I am also going.
Everybody's taking damage.
Yes. Putting that out there.
It's happening.
Right.
But everybody's taking.
Can I cast control water?
There's a lot of water around you.
There sure is.
And what I'd like to do is part the water.
All right, Moses. I'd like to cause the water
in the area to move apart and create a trench
so that the Kraken is no longer in water.
It is now in a trench of air where it can,
I don't know, you tell me.
Probably not do its normal stuff.
Let me see what the, it can breathe air and water.
Freedom of movement ignores difficult terrain.
Imaginal effects can't reduce its speed
or cause it to be restrained.
Jesus, the one thing you'd think you could do
to a giant squid would be to take it out of water.
I'm gonna do this cool shit.
Oh, it doesn't affect it at all.
It can spend five feet of movement
to escape from non-magical strains or be grappled.
So it doesn't slow it down.
It would like drop to the floor,
which we said were pretty close to the bottom.
So depending on how deep your trench goes,
like it would, gravity would take over.
How much water can you move?
Yeah.
I can move a hundred foot cube.
Right.
So, I mean, you would be able to drop it
a hundred feet away from you.
Right.
You know, for flavor's sake,
we could say that a hundred feet
is the bottom of the ocean.
Sure, so he drops to the bottom of the ocean
and I guess nothing else happens,
but it looks pretty cool.
Well, no, because a hundred feet
is gonna take fall damage.
Oh, there we go.
Cause it's hitting something at least on the bottom.
Every 1D6 for every 10 feet it fell.
So that's 10D6.
Nice.
Do you wanna roll that?
Sure I do.
35 fall damage.
Heck yeah. Yeah.
Okay.
Describe to me what it looks like.
The sickening noise.
With his crack and dies.
As it hits the bottom of the ocean floor.
Let's say it starts free falling
through what is now air.
And it looks disgusting
cause it's all like soft and weird and loose.
It's like lost its form sort of.
Yeah.
And then it falls.
And unfortunately there is a pirate ship
on the bottom of the ocean
and it steps right through the mast.
It falls right down onto it.
It's a real,
That is the best.
This is a real little mermaid situation.
I like it.
That's awesome.
That happens.
It explodes up.
And then I presume you drop the spell
as it gets clearer that you die
and like this water cascades down on top of it.
You all kind of survey the scene
and look to each other.
And then notice that the tethers
are just moving just within reach.
And you grab them and zip off behind
climbing back up into the vessel.
You get back inside and some time passes.
How does Sully's story end first of all?
And we were really surprised to get
that baby shower invitation in the mail.
We thought she was way past the time when she could,
but you know what?
Love is love.
And hopefully, you know,
they live happily ever after.
Cause I mean, we haven't seen them in a while.
It's, wow, that kid would be like eight years old now.
Damn.
Time flies, am I right?
Couple hours have passed and you're all recovering,
sitting kind of mending your wounds.
Are we?
Not completely, not yet.
And the vessel's going and there's like a disruption.
Like you feel it like,
like almost like it goes over a heavy speed bump.
Everybody else feel that?
Yeah, it's a little bumpy.
I don't know.
New territory for me.
It's feeling, it feels different though.
There's a wash of energy that fills through the vessel.
And what you don't see,
but the camera kind of zooms out of the ship
and up above the ocean is you've passed
through this barrier.
And on the other side of this barrier is
bright sunlight, a green forested island
and clean, clear, breathable air
as we look over the island of Maztica.
It's the end of the week and it's in a quiet space.
There's a little low murmured conversation
of Flint and his family,
but Flint isn't really taking part in it.
There's a well put together spread for a buffet
and Flint is seated there deep in thought,
looking through the crowd, through his family,
through the conversation,
just kind of mindlessly picking at the food on his plate.
And your concentration or lack thereof is broken
when hell just speaks up and says,
ah, you feeling all right there, Flint?
Yeah, it's just, I don't know,
had this guy in the jail, this Dragonborn the other day,
and he was talking like just absolute nonsense
about rivers and chult and somebody named Scyther.
I don't know, he'd been in jail for like a day and a half,
but he had this whole other story going on in his head.
Was he one of the drunk tank ones?
Like could he have just dreamed it up?
I mean, maybe, I don't know.
I asked him if he was one of those dream walkers
that you've heard about, but he didn't really answer me.
And then, of course, I had to let him go.
He paid his fine, so.
Right.
But yeah, I don't know.
It's just, he's just been stuck in my head
ever since then.
Did he look familiar?
Like maybe you knew him from some military days or?
I don't think so, but something in the back of my mind
says that he did look familiar,
but I can't place where he's from.
Maybe you'll see him around and you can ask him.
You know what, maybe I will.
I don't think he's gonna stick around town, though.
I don't think he had a great time here.
Yeah, no, that's fair.
Or maybe he had too great of a time
and then doesn't want to revisit that.
Yeah, that's something.
Hey, everything else going okay?
Worked good?
Yeah, I mean, no major complaints there.
Glory Gems, good right-hand man.
Really made some positive changes with the city guard.
I'm feeling pretty good about where we're at.
Hear your father's voice.
Say, past the potatoes there.
Reaches his hand over and as you look over his hand,
it gives you a start because his hand is decayed.
And as you kind of pull back, it snaps back
and he's there and he looks startled.
Like, is everything okay?
Yeah, sorry, just, I don't know.
I had a little,
a little trick on the old eyes there.
Here's the potatoes, sorry, there you go.
Oh, yeah, no, it's okay.
I guess I just didn't sleep well last night or something.
Yeah, that's just what I was gonna say.
Get some more sleep.
Don't worry about coming in tomorrow.
We got your shift covered for you.
Well, I mean, you know I love it,
but yeah, I might need the day off,
but we'll see.
If I have a good night, I'll head in
and if not, well then, yeah, maybe I'll sit that one out.
Do you have another there, champ?
Sorry, yeah, yeah, one more.
One more might be good.
Same as last time or do you want to mix it up?
Surprise me.
Okay, I love a challenge.
The bartender kind of turns around
and surveys the bottles to choose from
and grabs one on the right hand side
and it's kind of this orangey, earthy tone kind of bottle
and he pours two fingers into a glass for ya.
Says, give that one a try.
You might like it.
Port picks it up and holds it up
to the soft candlelight in this tavern
and says, all right, downs it.
And it's a real harsh fiery liquid.
It hits the back of his throat
and he kind of winces a little bit and closes his eyes
and as he opens them, he sees the mirror
in behind the bartender, like the glass back there
and looking back at him, just for a split second,
is that dwarf from the jail?
He, almost like spit takes,
but instead of spit coming out,
like this electricity shoots from his nostrils
and hits the tabletop which starts just a little fire
that he quickly pats out and says, sorry, sorry, sorry.
What's up there, dragon man?
Bad reaction to the booze?
Yeah, no, sometimes electricity and liquids
don't go well together.
Hey, is everything okay?
I think I've been an upstanding citizen today.
I mean, you've been all right since you've been here.
Yeah, what brings you to this end of town?
Just been thinking.
Mostly about you.
I'm flattered, I'm flattered, friend.
Yeah, no, I, something about our meeting stood out.
I can't get it out of my head.
Where do I know you from?
I know you from somewhere.
You've been around, you've been around Chult?
No, it wasn't Chult.
No, no.
You done any time, done any time,
any time you left the mountain?
Yeah, I used to be a soldier, but I don't know,
I just, I remember most dragonborn I've ever met
few and far between for a dwarf,
but I just, you're on the tip of my tongue,
I just can't place you.
Ever been to the library of the dead?
Holy shit.
What?
It's you.
Yeah, in the flesh.
What the fuck is happening?
I don't know, Flint, how do we get out of here?
First off, where are we?
Is this, this, I mean, this isn't right.
It's a perfect world, isn't it?
Yeah, it's a little too good.
Yeah, well, for some, mine's been a hellscape
of constant running, trying to find a way out,
and now I'm back to you.
You made that choice, though.
Yeah.
Didn't make a choice to be soulbound.
Okay, okay, yeah, you didn't make that choice,
but you made the choice to run.
Yeah, yeah, I did.
I mean, could it, I really could have used your help
at the Well of the Dragons, and I get why you didn't,
but like, things could have turned out
a whole lot differently.
I tried to make it so that you
could just be you, Flint.
But it doesn't look like the universe,
or the gods, or whoever wants that to happen.
Yeah, it's been a bit of an uphill battle.
So what's next?
Dumbgeons and Dragons, season two, episode 102,
starring Amy More as Thea Amastasia and Sullivan Sleight,
Carla Maxted as Yimbel Nury and Glim,
Tom Laird as Tulkier Heavyfoot,
Flint Firebeard and Moot,
and Russ More as your dungeon master.
Editing, production, and sound design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound
and sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babyok,
Cat Waterflame, Daryleth, Jacob Madden,
Devin Michaels, Christian Brown,
Aaron Stevens, Lulahan, Charlie Warley, and Craig Zeiss.
To support Dumbgeons and Dragons
and our many other productions
and get access to an exclusive podcast
called The Adventures Of, bonus episodes,
and much more, please join our Patreon
at Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast.
You can also follow us at facebook.com
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Thank you for listening.
Have a great week.
We'll talk again soon.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.